Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
