he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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