u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
