I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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