Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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