This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
