whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
