I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
