it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
