At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
