Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
