He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
