I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
