i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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