What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
