You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
