I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's blow job season.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
