i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
