So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
