we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
