but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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