Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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