is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
