Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We left the knife in your bed.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
