I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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