His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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