he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
