Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
