I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
