I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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