i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize