Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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