my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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