You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
