My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
