I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
