You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
