why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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