addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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