oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
