I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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