I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
