i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
