Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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