I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
