I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
3 2 1 whiskey
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
