Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
