no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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