saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
