why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
