Non-Jews are for practice
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
