well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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