she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
