the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
