if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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