Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We had sex on a dog bed..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I forget how to act sober
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
