i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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