Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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