i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
