so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize