i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
