Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
