People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
