So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize