yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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